


How Can I Blame You

by woke_scully



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Falling In Love, Flowers, Gen, Hamilton - Freeform, Hanahaki Disease, Hospital, In Love, Jamilton - Freeform, Lams - Freeform, Love, M/M, Surgery, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Violence, begonia, carnation, hanahaki, hanahaki illness, jamilams - Freeform, operation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 22:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12094545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woke_scully/pseuds/woke_scully
Summary: Hanahaki: An illness born from unrequited love. It causes flowers to bloom in the affected's lungs, leading them to cough it up. If not treated it can be fatal. There are two options: surgery, which removes the flowers but the feelings along with it, and in rare cases the feeling suddenly becomes mutual.





	1. I Know Better

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of @styxetal 's filthy rich au on Tumblr.
> 
> I have a writing blog! It's @scullyswritingblog on Tumblr.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex was suffering, and nobody knew.

Pain. Pain ripped through his stomach, needled in his throat, tore at his mind. His lungs ached with every breath, his eyes burned at the bright lights he couldn’t seem to get rid of. This wasn’t how it always was. He normally could bear the pain, but upon seeing the two of them...

Alexander couldn’t bring himself to take another look at the cheery couple, plastering their photos around social media. They looked so... so happy, as if they didn’t need anything other than each other. Something he would never get with him.

He was a fool. How could a handsome, famous and wealthy person ever fall for a struggling, sloppy college student such as himself, who was born poor? Impossible.

Alex choked, sitting with knees drawn to his chest, surrounded by petals. Dark red petals littered the floor. Coughing violently, he spat out a carnation. Alex gave a silent chuckle. Crimson. Like all of the others, it was a deep shade of red. Dark red carnations. A symbol of deep love and affection.

It didn’t bother Alex that he was never going to be the one at his side. He saw it coming, from when the first petals appeared on his tongue upon seeing Thomas strut down the street. He’d just hoped that he would’ve been noticed. At least once.

But alas, there Thomas was, posing with his new girlfriend. She was attractive, popular, everything that Alex could only dream of being. She seemed perfect for him, like they were meant to be.

Alex was suffering, and nobody knew. Nobody knew about his migraines, his difficulty to breathe. Nobody knew about the real reason he kept rushing to bathrooms during class, or why he avoided Thomas so much. He pushed too many people away because of this, this disease.

He needed a solution, and he needed it now.

* * *

 

Alex looked up. This was the place, he was sure of it. Hanahaki Hospital. Flowers of different shapes, colors and designs were painted on the inner walls, and red carpet lined the floors. A doctor peeked her head out a room with a clipboard.

“Is there a Mr. Hamilton here?”

“That's... that's me.”

“Come in and we’ll begin the operation.”


	2. Temporarily Painless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander has no recollection of his previous feelings for Thomas, therefore stops avoiding him. Thomas couldn't understand how he'd never noticed him before.

Thomas had never really paid attention to people other than those infatuated with him. If you didn’t care about him, he didn’t care about you, unless you were incredibly attractive.

Which is why Thomas couldn’t understand how he’d never noticed him before.

It wasn’t easy to get Thomas to notice someone. They could blast 70s metal while prancing around in tap shoes and ballet skirts for all he cared. They weren't worth his time.

That’s why it was peculiar he couldn’t stop staring.

Clad in his worn-out favorite (and only) hoodie, Alex was passed out in a courtroom procedures book, a cheap ballpoint pen resting lazily between his fingers.

There was something about this boy that seemed familiar. Like Thomas had seen him in his peripherals but he always walked away or something, and this was the first Thomas had actually paid attention.

Alex’s calm, sleeping face was alluring to Thomas. So much so that a single Begonia petal made itself known in his mouth.

* * *

 

When Alex blinked awake, he was surprised to see an extremely well-dressed and handsome man standing a few feet from the table he was sleeping on. Alex wiped his mouth with his sleeve and noticed he was staring.

“Can I help you?”

This caused Thomas to blush slightly and shake his head. He looked away, and coughed, a couple more petals rising in his mouth.

Taking out his 24K gold plated phone, Thomas dialed a number.

“Yes, Tommy?”

“Claire, babe, we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was even shorter so sorry, the last one is longer I'm serious
> 
> So sorry to bother you with me constantly saying to share fics if you like them. Not just mine. Kudos and comments are great, but sharing fics helps authors in more ways you can imagine. Ty! <3


	3. What You Do to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas, blinded by his need for Alexander's attention, messes up really badly. The blood only flowed faster, and the flowers only got darker.

Every jab, every taunt, every insult and every time he was ignored put silky petals in Thomas’s throat. Alexander came from a less fortunate place, causing him to dislike those who flaunt their riches and spend it on useless gimmicks, meaning he despised Thomas. Every time Thomas pretended to step on his foot, break something of his, or anything else of that matter, he would ‘reimburse’ Alex. But Alex would always shove his money back, saying “I don’t want your damn charity”.

Thomas didn’t get it. He was rich, famous, attractive. He could give Alex a much better life, pay for all his textbooks and the part of his tuition scholarships don’t cover. That was good enough for his ex-girlfriend. Yet here Alex is, constantly arguing with Thomas over the smallest things. Criticizing his glamorous choices of coffee, his fancy collections of watches that could pay the student loans of half the kids in the state. Even called his choice of fashion ‘too flashy’ and ‘tacky’.

He knew what was happening to him, from the countless movies and television shows he’s been it based around it. He knew the consequences, he knew the options. He had the money to hire a private operator to keep quiet if needed. Yet, the very idea of forgetting about the person he loved was disgusting to him.

It was easy to hide at the beginning. Walk around with a handkerchief, spit out a few petals here and there. It was always worse when he hung out around his old campus, inevitably coming across Alexander, and when that happened, everyone knew shit was going to go down.

Today was different. Today was February nineteenth, the day Alexander’s mom died. Of course, Thomas was not one to know this, in fact, nobody did except Alex’s closest friend, John. This was not a day for Alex to be confronted. On this day, all Alex wanted to do was be left alone.

Thomas didn’t want that. Thomas came across Alex more than once in the hallways and was curious as to why he didn’t strike up a debate. All Thomas needed was for Alex to pay attention to him. Just a little bit. And attention is what he got.

“You look terrible.” Thomas called to Alexander upon seeing him for the fifth time in the past couple hours. When he didn’t get a response, Thomas continued. “What, no comeback? No ‘yeah well you look like shit every day’ statement in your whiny ass voice?” To this, Alex clenched his fists, still looking at the floor, John at his side, shooting Thomas a glare.

“Pathetic.” Thomas held out his hand in front of him, tanzanite ring glinting a royal blue in the light. “You could’ve at least had the decency to give me a response. Guess your whore mom didn’t teach you better manners.”

Everyone in the hall stopped dead in their tracks. Whoever was there that day could unanimously agree that when Alex turned around slowly, the atmosphere seemed to darken tenfold, and the look on his face was the scariest shit they’d ever seen.

Alex dropped his books and started swinging wildly, and nobody had the courage to stop him. Between throws, he screamed at Thomas.

“Don’t you _dare_ speak about my mother like that!” He caught Thomas’s watch with his fist, snapping the catch, causing the watch to fall to the floor with a loud clunk. “At least she loved me, which is obviously a feeling nobody will ever have for you!” Alex dug his chipped fingernails into the skin next to Thomas’s eye, and dragged them down his cheek, leaving raw flesh exposed in four lines.

“Your friends are only there because you’re rich and famous, just like your girlfriend was!” Thomas felt warm blood run over his lips and drip onto the sleeves of his fur coat.

“Nobody loves you and nobody ever will!” Alex landed the final blow between Thomas’s ribs, and fell into a heap, sobbing uncontrollably, John comforting him. Thomas covered himself with his coat and hurried out of the college into a chilly winter scene.

There was a small stretch of woods next to the campus grounds, which is where Thomas spent the next hour. He didn’t suffer many physical injuries from his encounter with Alex, but the blood-soaked snow surrounding him would say otherwise. Thomas was on his hands and knees, violently coughing up blood and, of course, nearly complete Begonias.

 _Your friends don’t even care for you_. These words kept ringing in Thomas’s head. _They’re only there because you’re rich and famous_. In a way, Thomas always knew this was true. _Your girlfriend just cared about publicity_. Thomas never loved her anyway. _Nobody loves you and nobody ever will_.

The last thing Alex said to Thomas hurt the most, and it was the one Thomas couldn’t get out of his mind. It became louder and louder the more difficult it was for Thomas to breathe. He felt like he was hundreds of feet deep in the ocean waters. He couldn’t hear anything. The air he was breathing felt thick. He felt pressure on his chest, on his lungs. He couldn’t control his body.

Thomas was quivering, heaving, coughing. He didn’t know where his mouth was getting all that blood. He didn’t know where his lungs kept getting those stupid, stupid flowers. He would cough up one, only to feel the need to cough again, leading to another flower. Beautiful flowers of the darkest hues and values rested in a cluster at Thomas’s hands, enough to make five bouquets. One after another, he crushed the flowers between his palms, burying them under layers of snow and dirt.

The blood only flowed faster, and the flowers only got darker. Tears streamed down Thomas’s cheeks, stinging the scratches given to him by his beloved Alexander. The wind whipped at his face and chilled his damp, stained clothes. Thomas’s fingertips were tinted blue and his breath fogged in the cold. His jeans were thoroughly soaked through and his boots were rendered useless, but Thomas couldn’t feel any of it.

As dawn broke, Thomas couldn’t carry his head anymore. The world turned black as he fell face first into a bed of bloody flowers, and from then on, Thomas Jefferson would have to suffer no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! I'm sorry to say this again but it would really help if you shared the link! My Tumblr is @scullyswritingblog, where there will be fics I don't post here under the tag #scullystrash. Thanks for reading! <3


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